8 Alternative Valentine's Day Films
Posted on: 06 Feb 2018Our recommended cinema in Bristol is the Everyman Cinema located at 44 Whiteladies Road, BS8 2NH. A relaxing and luxurious experience that is one of a kind in the city! The boutique cinema, offers fantastic food and drink service to your seat whilst you sit back, relax and watch a film. Entertainment and comfort combined - check out the cinema listings here.
Valentine's Day. It's not everyone's cup of tea. For every sentimental soul convinced it's the only day of the year you can express your unfettered passion for the one you love, there's another who realises it's simply a commercial ruse to exploit your shallow, materialistic sensibilities to satisfy the grasping demands of vapid, corporate greed. A box of chocolates, a bunch of flowers and a night out at a lovely restaurant - all at triple the cost of any other time of the year. Ahhhh, that's the power of love.
But what to watch on this allegedly most amorous of evenings? The usual Valentines protocol dictates it should be something starring the winsome, foppish Hugh Grant or penned by by the master of wretch-inducing manipulative schmaltz, Richard Curtis (see Love Actually, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill). But those with a more refreshingly cynical, jaded appreciation of how Cupid's arrow is such a misjudged, fickle thing, only an alternative-style date movie will do. To wit, a few of my own personal anti-Valentine's Day filmic treats for your gleefully contemptuous consideration and enjoyment.
The Fly
A woman falls in love with a 185 pound fly. What could be more romantic than that? David Cronenberg's 1986 masterpiece is a beauty and the beast of modern times, retold with the superb Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. Scientist Goldblum's experiment to transport himself from one telepod to another goes hideously wrong when a fly gets trapped in with him and he start to slowly, grotesquely mutate into an insect. Cue body parts falling off, mucho regurgitating and eventual metamorphosis into a giant fly. And then he gets his head blown off with a shotgun. In my opinion, the perfect date movie.
True Romance
This Quentin Tarantino-scripted epic is one hell of a celluloid trip; brutal, bloody and brilliant. Christian Slater is a comic book shop worker who falls in love with girl-on-a-mission Patricia Arquette who has secretly been hired to get involved with him for dangerous, nefarious ends. Twisted, dark and a kind of contemporary re-telling of Bonnie and Clyde, just think of it as Pretty Women with more graphic ultra-violence.
Juno
Actually, this is one of the more touching, emotional films on the list, telling as it does the story of young, pregnant Juno (an excellent Ellen Page) that sensitively yet wickedly, smartly tackles the subjects of pregnancy and finding your place in the world. An coming-of-age indie flick that has intelligence, soul, a thought-provoking yet not preachy edge and enjoyably quirky sensibility.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Surreal and with sensational starring turns from Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet about a couple who have their memories of each other erased only to meet and fall in love with each other again - without knowing exactly who each other are. Offbeat and brilliant, it's also oddly harrowing and unsettling, straddling that fine, unpredictable line between pathos, idiosyncracy and sadness.
Lost in Translation
Scarlett Johansson joins her rock photographer husband on a trip to Tokyo only to find her restless, dissatisfied yearnings captivated by ageing thesp-beyond-his-prime, Bill Murray. Cue a mutual bond and understanding of how disappointed and disillusioned they are with their partners and their lives, and a moving, intimate relationship between the two that mines beautifully the riches of emotion, melancholy and sensitivity. It's human, heartfelt with a disenchanted streak that taps a nerve without being too dour. Superlative performances from two leads as well.
Audition
Surely one of the sickest movies ever made (and that says a lot coming from the admirably deviant canon of Japanese film lore), this genuine shocker of a movie has one of the most effective jump-scares in horror cinema history and boasts one of the most unhinged, masochistic female villains ever committed to celluloid. A woman spurned is never a good thing, as one unfortunate chap learns as he undergoes a series of brutal, torturous operations at then hands of a psycho-woman with a tool box of sharp, nasty implements. We've all been rejected at some point but, I hope, wouldn't go quite as far as this. Twisted and brilliant.
Sightseers
Ben Wheatley's superb, pitch-black comedy sees a couple travelling around the country indulging in their mutual passion for bumping off random strangers who get on their wick. We've all been there, we've all wanted to do it (haven't we?!), which is precisely what makes this guilty pleasure of a terrifically twisted flick all the more enjoyable. Most couples have their quirks, but this is indisputably more savage and extreme than simply leaving the lid off the jam jar off or forgetting to put your soiled boxers in the washing basket. A dark delight.
Shaun Of The Dead
Edgar Wright's hysterical, gory zom-rom-com was the progenitor of what's become known as the Cornetto Trilogy and, like a fine wine or vintage cheese, just gets better with age and with every viewing. Simon Pegg tries to win back the love of his life whilst simultaneously fighting off a horde of raging, bloodthirsty zombies, this is brimming with great acting, endlessly quotable lines, dizzying editing and bravura directorial inventiveness. One of the best British movies ever made, period. How's that for a slice of fried gold?
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Jamie is a writer, blogger, journalist, critic, film fan, soundtrack nerd and all-round Bristolian good egg. He loves the music of Philip Glass, the art of Salvador Dali, the writings of Charles Bukowksi and Hunter S Thompson, the irreverence of Harry Hill, and the timeless, straw-chomping exuberance of The Wurzels. You can sometimes find him railing against a surging tide of passing cyclists, or gorging himself senseless on the Oriental delights of a Cosmos all-you-can-eat buffet.
